17 April 2011

A parent's SOLE responsibilty

Who's running around Walmart these days? DISOBEDIENT CHILDREN & PASSIVE PARENTS! I really dislike Walmart but try as I might I always end up paying them a visit for one reason or another. Oh, I'm not implying that Walmart has anything to do with the following experience I am about to share with you. (I'm just saying I hate Walmart)

So here's this mom; a toddler in the front seat, a preschooler in the cart and two children tagging along behind. I'm thinking ages 7-10 give or take. Forgive me if this story is the norm but you have to remember that I live in a bubble, in the country, and not much of a 'get around town' kinda girl. (the kind that hits all the stores all the time)

Back to the little family. Mom says to one of the boys in tow. "Here is the shirt I picked out for your pictures." Son shoots back with, "I don't like that shirt and I'm not wearing it." Mom~"Well you are going to have to, it's one of the cheaper ones." Child, in a hot, irritated voice. "Mom, I don't think you're listening to me. I said I'm NOT wearing it. So just put it back on the rack right now. You never listen, never, now put it back."

Obviously embarrassed mother steps up her pace in the hopes of being able to 'close' down the conversation. However, son was not going to let that happen. In a voice well above talking he shouts, "Mom, slow down, what the he** do you think you're doing? I was talking to you now stop walking right now."

I was saddened by this whole scene. The love and respect between parents and children is such a positive thing to have and I hope that all parents who struggle can overcome these obvious trials and bring back peace into their homes. But it has to begin with mom's and dad's and much prayer. (I need to add that I understand there are families who struggle with a son or daughter who is suffering from emotional imbalances & my heart goes out to you as you give everything you have to help these little ones. Even children without obvious problems can be a challenge to their parents. But what I am trying to express in this post is bottom line, that we can't leave it to 'chance' how our children are being raised. Effort is key, diligence, prayer, etc. It is these things when in lack that we find ourselves drowning. Where there is no vision the people perish! But I know if we seek the Lord, pray, hope, love, and keep being consistent then the blessings will come.)~this is my eye's being opened edit

"A parent's sole responsibility"
There are many parents today, in and out of church who seem to have lost all common sense when it comes to raising children and teaching them to obey. Training our children in obedience leads to many God given blessings. Blessings I'm sure as parents we all hope to see in our children. Obedience opens the door to our children's hearts and better enables our teachings to find a place in their lives. Our one, true, and noblest example of obedience is our Savior Jesus Christ.

My question is why? Why is it so easy to be passive in the training of our children? I've come up with some examples of what can cause us to be a bit laid back in this responsibility.
Parental inexperience, (obviously a new parent will have inexperience, that's where scripture comes in, especially Proverbs) feeling inadequate, perhaps a bit apprehensive to fully, 100% expect obedience from our little ones. Maybe we fear that they won't love us, respect us, or end up resenting us because of our expectations we have for them. But as their parents it is our Godly role to see to this facet of their lives. Consider Eli and his sons. Eli was chastised by God for honoring his sons before God. God held Eli responsible for the desecration of the tabernacle because his son's made themselves vile and he restrained them not. Did Eli ever have a handle on his sons? Did he ever teach them about authority? Were they ever expected to obey mother and father, thereby teaching them obedience to authority? I feel that in order to obey our Father in heaven, obedience must first be learned on earth, in our home, under the righteous authority of the parents. It is very easy to allow small acts of defiance to go unpunished while raising our children. But we must remember that those small acts of defiance, if allowed to continue unchecked will grow into bigger acts in later years.

"One who has never been in the habit of submitting to others, will always be headstrong and self-willed; and such a character nobody loves." Harvey Newcomb

It has been my experience that when a child falls into 'woes' I must ask myself if I have been diligent. Diligent in attending to their training. Do I watch over my children, keep bad habits in check, and nip the beginning of bad habits and behavior in the bud before they intensify. Diligence~
Steady application in business of any kind; constant effort to accomplish what is undertaken; exertion of body or mind without unnecessary delay or sloth; due attention; industry; assiduity.

Diligence is the philosophers stone that turns every thing to gold.

I think that this is one of the many reasons why I love homeschooling. It enables me to be diligent. Being with our children, physically, for as many hours of the day possible is key to keeping them in 'check.' When they are off, doing who knows what, learning who knows what lessons, pulling who knows what kind of tricks children are capable of. Are we sure, absolutely sure that whoever our children are in the care of; will they correct bad behavior, (if they chance to see it) teach kindness to a child who is being selfish, encourage patience when it's not their turn, praise them when they have shown an act of kindness thereby encouraging them? I love having the opportunity to take a troubled little one and open up the scriptures, read them a story or poem to illustrate that there is a preferred way for them to act. To rise above the normal childhood antics that befalls everyone of them. Moms and dads, it is our job to do this. Diligence is the key. Be ever watchful over your children and teach them in the way. 24/7

"And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Deut. 11:19


Kelly Howard said...

Amen and AMEN!

Just me said...

My kids have never talked to me like that but THEY ARE NOT PERFECT either. I don't judge others and I am so HAPPY for you that your kids are perfect in your protected little bubble!

Pam... said...

I appreciate your post and I totally agree with you. I am very grieved when I see parents who take such a serious responsibility lightly. I was once this way, before I knew Christ. I am ashamed of it now. Some of it is ignorance and lack of understanding on the parent's part. I can say for myself that during that time I was a very selfish parent, and quite immature.

It is a strange world these days when people say things like "I don't judge others", but yet, the ones they say it to are the ones they are conveying strong negative judgement toward.

Your children are being trained, and they are in our care for a short time only. We are stewards. We and they are imperfect. That's why we need to seek help from God, and that is all you are encouraging us to do. Thanks for the reminder.

mommyx12 said...

Thank you for your comment Just Me but I would like to add that, my kids are far from perfect. But we do have our limits and standards. And some things kids try to get away with are just over the top. And it is our job to keep those bad habits in check before they get out of hand. As for living in a bubble, I really kind of do since we live in the country and really stay home most of the time. And because of that I think I miss some of the fast moving changes in our culture and I don't really have the chance to get 'immune' or 'placid in my thinking' since I don't see it all the time. Therefore things do come as a shock. Nor do we have tv so that kind of pushes me back into 'bubble.'

ccc said...

I agree with you. Unfortunately I believe most of the problems in families come from ungodly men/fathers who do not do their job. That child from Wal-mart most likely talks to his mother like that on a regular basis because his father has not taught him to do otherwise. In most families that I have seen like that, the son is treating the mother the way he sees his father treat her. It is so sad.
I too like to create a bubble for my children and I and see nothing wrong with it. If outside the bubble is bad, why would I want to be part of it?!

Chad and Jessica's Family: said...

I just love you Tricia and appreciate you speaking the truth in a world that is so watered down. Sorry I dont comment all the time but I do check in. Have a blessed day with your beautiful family.


Anonymous said...

I have recently found your blog and I so enjoy it. I agree with your post today - I am reading an excellent book...What the Bible says about Raising Children. My eldest is 21 and my youngest today is 2 :). I would just like to share for your readers to keep in mind that things are not always as they seem. Some of the children in our family have come to us through foster care and all have contact with birth families. It takes many years (and sometimes we only have months) to teach children about the love of Jesus Christ. So despite our best efforts the behaviours you may see of our family at Walmart are NOT from lack of training. The root cause may be the same - passive parenting and ignorance of the Lords instructions for parents - but I'm trying to repair that damage. It's amazing how people look at me sometimes...if they only knew the truth. My Heavenly Father knows who I am and that's what counts. Blessings! Mommymary2many

Kaydee and Emma said...

Thank you mommymary2many. You are so right. I follow a blog that has many adopted children and one in particular who has RAD. Those situations are indeed sad situations and only the Lord can heal these little hearts. It still holds true though, as I'm sure many of us have seen, that far too many children in families are the ones in charge in the home. Far too many children are not being trained with even basic rights and wrongs. That is where we are failing our children.

mommyx12 said...

Oops. My computer was signed in my twins' account. The above comment was mine!!

Kim said...

I must say I'm right there with "Anonymous"...we are in the same boat...and we do try so hard to train our adopted children...but what matters in not how you APPEAR in public, it matters how your child sees your consistancy...we try to not ever let them think they are an embarassment to us when things go "down hill" in the store...we have made quick exits...but we have also stopped right then and there and prayed with the wayward child...we see people and we think we have them figured out...we can say, just by "seeing" them..oh they should get control here...not knowing what that means to that family...it could be a victory for that family just to have the child go into public without wetting themselves or stealing something...not everyone has "normal" situations...I pray when we see these type of things happen...don't judge, just pray...even see if you may be able to help out...smile, and understand it may not be as bad to them as it is to you...remember the small victories you may not understand or know about for that family! We were just rejoicing that we were able to go to a church function with our child with RAD for the first time in over 2 years, it wasn't great behavior, but a small victory...she did it...she wasn't offemsive or profaine...understnading and patience is what we need...we meaning the families that make a scene and make everyone else uncomfortbale...we are God's hands and are doing His work.
Luke 6:37
"Do not judge, and you will not be judges. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned, forgive and you will be forgiven"

dggp said...

Tricia, look at this. Normally you such a "tow the line" kind of girl!! I know what you are saying. I see it all the time. There are just no lines between who the parent is and who the kid is. No matter if the child has challenges or not, so many parents just do not take their responsibility seriously. I see it all time where I live. My parents would not have allowed even 10% of what I see kids today getting away with. Great post. But with great posts comes great responsibilities in todays world.